On father's day I have a lot to reflect on, as well as all the fathers in my life do I am sure. Just as no mother or person is perfect, neither is any father. There are however, as my favorite quotes recites, many ways to be a good one.
My father is a good father. I know that he loves my brother and I dearly. He broke his back, literally, working as a mechanic to provide for us. For that he has my eternal love and respect. I grew up as a daddy's girl and to this day he and I do have a special connection. When he is having a good day, he is a delight to be around.
But you see my father is an alcoholic. He has been one for as long as I can remember. While my father was a happy drunk for most of my childhood, he did have his angry moments. One of those moments ended in my heartbreak in June 2005, resulting in his arrest and conviction. Since then our relationship has never been the same. In the past six years I have seen my father less than ten times, which is only exacerbated by the fact my parents divorced in 2005. But no one is perfect. I forgave him, he forgave me and we moved on. With that being said I also know that it is good to have boundaries for the sake of my children. My father, to his credit, comes about the alcoholism honestly though. Every member of his family and on his mother's side of that family has been an alcoholic.
So on days like father's day I choose to not focus on the negative, but to take them as a warning and break the cycle in my own life by the grace of God only.
I choose to remember my daddy and I as we walked on the beach at sunset on the bay, picking up shells when I was three. Before I knew that my father loved something else more than he loved me.
I also reflect, happily on this day, about my husband- the father of my children. He is the best father and man I know, next to his own father. He loves the Lord with all his heart, then me, and then our kids (as it should be because happy loving parents equal happy loving kids-trust me I know). When I became pregnant with Deirdre at 21, he gave up his successful music career and college aspirations, to work a cruddy job to support me. After I gave birth to Deirdre and could not walk for six weeks, he waited on us hand and foot. He continued to work two more cruddy jobs (until he finally found a good one last April!) for us and supported me through the rest of my education and another baby along the way.
Craig never complains about my bad cooking, the housework that takes awhile to get done, the crafting, and my crazy dreams of living on a farm. He just loves us truly. And I knew that when he married me and again on the moment he became a father for the first time on December 18th, 2007.
Just look at how he marvels at our baby?
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| Deirdre Cosette 12.18.07 |
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| Emil Jonas 2.10.10 |
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| Emil Jonas' namesake, my father-in-law |
