It seems that this little baby is well on its way- and I cannot wait! My pregnancy has hit its stride. No more hyperemesis or placenta bleeding scares. Lots of growth and kicking abounds now, with some serious cravings. All told, sometime between mid April and early May- this little one will enter our lives. I can't help but get excited since I have only two full months left until we meet him or her.
With that added peace, I have been able to reflect on how unique this little one and its pregnancy has been. We feel so immensely blessed to welcome another precious child into this world as well as to be pregnant. Having experienced loss, I am reticent to complain about being pregnant. Children, in our view, are blessings. Pure and simple. They're lots of work yes, but the way in which our children have blessed and enriched our lives only affirm and strengthen this view. Plus I am up for the task. I am honestly not daunted one bit by another child. I got all my fretting out when I had Jonas. I can do this, and God made me for this.
I also really think a mother's 'glow' comes from her joy for the little life inside of her.
Who could keep that in?
I also believe this makes it equally hard when others- especially family- don't share in your joy and try to rob you of it. As this baby through the years grows into a child, I can honestly say it will be hard to just forget negative family attitudes. It also, to me at least, seems extremely patronizing and dehumanizing when others' try to chalk up your feelings to being sensitive and pregnant. My moral compass and reasoning did not leave my body when I became pregnant.
I can only journal and pray about my hurt so much before well I accept it for what it is- selfishness. I don't need people to be happy for us if they can't be, but they can keep the negativity to themselves. I used to be a very blunt person and that changed along then line somewhere. However I think I might bring it back some and just shut down what I call "diarrhea of the mouth" before it crops up. Not in a nasty way, but in a matter of fact way.
So I suppose that all in all, I resolve to not let anyone rob me or my family of our God-given joy. I also resolve to not be a doormat. Our sweet baby will be welcomed into this world surrounding by love. If some family and friends won't be part of our loving village- then please leave.
I considered making this blog private but I won't. This isn't an attack, it is just how I feel. I choose to be open about this, because I know I am not the only mother who has felt this way before. All life should be celebrated.
Maybe this will just remind us all to be loving to one another as well.
Thankfully you all, my dear blog friends, are quite nice. I really appreciate that. I do have a large supportive and happy village as well. I am so blessed to have them. Many pages in my journal are filled with praises for my village. Many more pages of happiness than hurt. For that I am thankful.
|Who could not love this baby!|