Showing posts with label young mother. Show all posts
Showing posts with label young mother. Show all posts

Thursday, March 22, 2012

Young Mothers and Choices

Wow things are beginning to move fast here! I can't believe that Saint Patrick's Day has already past and Easter is around the corner (as well as the new baby's arrival). It also has been hot the past few days, as in not Springtime warmth, but summer heat. I thought I'd never be putting on sunscreen in March, but low and behold... this week I did!


I also do not envy other mothers whom have their third trimesters during the summer. Up to this point I've been spoiled by only being largely pregnant during Winter. This heat is no fun, not to mention I really have no warm weather maternity clothes so I just look silly and overexposed shoving myself into my non-maternity summer clothes. But I am enjoying the final weeks of my pregnancy. Despite the aches and heat, I am happy and happy to wait. I guess since this is my third pregnancy I have more perspective on how fleeting this all is. I love being wobbly and round. 



Me, at 21, holding my little Deirdre a few hours after birth. I just couldn't stop staring at her. Everything she did was a little miracle to me. 





On that note, I have been reflecting recently on my motherhood-wifehood-and my pregnancies. I volunteer with a mothers support group and during one discussion two weeks back another mother (who happens to be older than me) was commenting about her mother. She related that even though her mother chose to be a mother when she was young and educated, that she felt her mother resented her (the daughter) for taking away her mother's childhood. Afterwards she said to me, "I hope you don't end up feeling the same way towards your children." 


I have to say her directness took be by surprise, especially since I was the group leader and had never made any indication that I regretted my life's timing. I guess I must be close to her mother's age when she had children. I am also sure that her intentions were pure (I know this particular mother is having a lot of confidence issues herself). So at the time, I brushed off her comment and thanked her for her concern. But it did stick with me and I have been thinking about it. So do I resent my children for taking away my childhood?


The answer is a loud resounding NO! I had a childhood. I don't consider having children and getting married in my early twenties, 21 to be exact, impeding on my childhood (I will be turning 26 this year). Young adulthood, yes. But really, truly, what else would I be doing or want to be doing? 


Working a career- yes probably-but I make a choice even now to not do that and have no regrets. I did finish college and have two degrees to show for it. I traveled before and while I was pregnant and feel I had plenty of good life experiences before then- and I am still having them now! I also had been independent from my parents and taking care of myself for almost five years when I first got pregnant and married. So I'm not really sure what I am supposed to be regretting by choosing to become a mother. I always wanted to have children and Craig and I knew early on in our relationship that our goal was marriage. 


Our wedding, 12-2-07, two weeks before Deirdre was born.
Furthermore, I don't think you have to have gone to college, lived on your own, or traveled in order to not regret becoming a mother, or legitimize your choice. That is just where I happened to be coming from. 


I guess what wanted to say was that I chose to become a mother and a wife, and I did so happily with my eyes wide open. These choices were not forced upon me. Adoption was always an option and for most of my  first pregnancy, it was THE option we were going to choose, until God made it clear that it wasn't the right choice for Craig and I. 


I am not going to lie and say that all of this has been easy, but it certainly has been rewarding. Marriage and motherhood isn't easy period, and I believe going into it at any age presents its own unique challenges. I also am happier, more content, and at peace with who I am and the life I am living now more than ever before. My faith also has a lot to do with that too. 


I respect everyone else's choices and opinions too on the timing of their families, or even the decision to have a family. I just hope people don't think that younger mothers are mothers because they were forced into it and regret it. I am sure mothers of all ages have regrets, and I do too, but not about becoming a mother. It is the best decision Craig and I ever made, next to getting married. 


So there is my two cents for the week. It's been a long time since I have even thought about that time in my life or even remembered that most of society considers still me a young mother at 26. And so what if I am young? I think it is quite empowering to remember we all made a choice to become a mother at the age we did- young or old. Life is too rich and fleeting to get caught up in regrets. I try to live in the here and now. And I like this place a lot. 


Always, 
Nicole 


Marveling at and holding my daughter for the first time!